so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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