am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
