Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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