my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I deserve this hangover.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
