What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
