I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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