I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
