just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's never too late to be topless.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
