Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
