Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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