I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
