Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize