I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
someone owes me an orgasm
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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