i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
