Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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