My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
