There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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