she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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