mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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