Who did Billy Mays play for?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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