Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
