At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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