I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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