Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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