i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
