don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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