I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
