I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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