Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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