After last night, I could never be a politician.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
