On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
