You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
