She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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