He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
