She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Found the puke drawer
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
