Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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