So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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