Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize