Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize