i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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