Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
