Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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