Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize