Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it glows. i had to have it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
