Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
