You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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