I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
