so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
