The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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