drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
