i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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