Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
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he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
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In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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