Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
