Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
