I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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