so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
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Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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