I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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