were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
