Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's Friday. Sex?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
