I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
