His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
