he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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