The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
