i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Every concussion has its silver lining
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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