There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
