what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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