I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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