Where did you get a picture of my penis
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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