he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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