it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
