at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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