Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
