I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I love having hate sex.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He shit in the fireplace
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
