and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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