Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
last night I used snow as a chaser
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