need another drink. this is the easiest way
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
