It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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