just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize