I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
