Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
